!THE END!
A collection of short stories written by South American slave weasels as their only form of entertainment
PROLOUGE
Back in the early 1930's in South America a group of weasels were forced to make can openers for a Nebraskan pork rinds company called Porkrindco. Porkrindco went out of business in mid 1937 and their exploits of the weasels had gone undiscovered until recently when a Japanese spelunker named Fred Smith climbed up the treacherous Mt. Fluffykins and discovered the cave where the slavery had taken place. It seems that these weasels had only one form of entertainment and that was to write short stories on the cave walls. Their style of writing was a bit different than ours but we hope you will enjoy these stories nonetheless.
STORY 1!
8:30
House settles
Again
Nothing
Still Nothing
Creak
Time to change the calander
What's a calander
I don't know what a calander is
My kitty is the president
The letter Y is a very good letter
One time I went to the gila store and I died
Then I bought a hot dog and ate it
Mean while
Bwahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahaha
Uh oh
Just forget it
Story 2@
Plastic doorknobs
My uncle had a plastic doorknob once
It was very ............ doorknobby
Dudududududu
The loooloooooolloopl
Had a cow
And jingo was hiz naaaaaamo
JINGO
JINGO
JINGO
And jingo was his namo
PLOP
FLIIIIIINSTONS
EAT THE FLINSTONS
THERE THE MODER BONE AGE HAMILY
LALALALA
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^ my favorite number
popopopopoplo;polplpolpopolpolpolploolopooolppo
vujb
c
nmb
g
hg
fgfgfgghhjnjnmjhjnkhnlkhgjtgrjg b
oiewkfj
nobody likes a tattletale
except me
and me
anmeanmeanme Laundry th other purple meat
Story 3#
I never want to hear the word motor oil as long as I live
Hey bob
Yeah bill
I was thinkin
What do you think about giraffes
I mean why are they so big and fat
I dunno bill I was wonderin the same thing
Well when is sombody gonna do somthin about it
About what
About the girrafes
Oh
I mean are they just going to let them sit there and be fat
Or is sombody going to turn them into wholesome meat byproducts
Hey ive got an uncle with a meat byproducs factry
why don't we ask him if he can do anything about the girrafes
That's a stupid idea bob
Huh why
Because nobody is just going to go out and turn the giraffes into meat byproducts
But you just said that they should
No I diddnt
Yes you did
No I diddnt
Yes you did
No I diddnt
Yes you did
Yes I did
Yes your right you did
Huh
But you were supposed to say no you diddnt
Shut up bill im not that stupid
Yes you are
No im not
yes you are
no im not
yes you are
no im not
yes you are
no im not
no your not
yes your right im not
shut up bob
POW!
Bob died
The End
Story 4$
The many uses of toilet floss
Once apon a lime in the kinkdom of kopopo
There was a frog
But this was no oordinary frog oh no
This frog had really big hair
Every day the frog would strut around the kinkdom showing off his big hair
He would always say that he was better than the other frogs
But one day a rat came up to the frog and said
You're a big fat invertabrate
This made the frog very angry
The frog threw a lamp across the room and it smashed into the wall
It was his grandmas lamp and when his grandma saw it
She got very angry and killed him
And his grandma stole his hair
Now every day the grandma would strut around the kinkdom wearing the hair
Until on day the rat came up again and said
Your old
This made the grandma so angry that she exploded
Now the hair was gone and everyone was happy
Moral: Don't count your egg before it's hatched
Story 5%
Toocan Sam Vs. the Wolfman
One day toocan sam was sitting in his ham and eating fruity pebbles
But then the wolfman came and took a picture of him
Huh what was that said toocan sam
Then the wolfman showed him the picture and said that he would have to give him $33000000 or else he would put it in his next gallery furniture commercial
So toocan sam gave the wolfman $33000000 and got the picture
But toocan sam had a plan to get even
That night when the wolfman was asleep toocan sam came and spilled tomato sauce all over the wolfmans couch
The next morning the wolfman woke up and saw the tomato sauce on his couch
The wolfman got really mad and went to rooms to go to buy a new couch
Then toocan sam took a picture of him
Nooooooooooooooo said the wolfman
Toocan sam said that he would have to pay him $33000001 to get the picture or else he would show it in is next froot loops commercial
So the wolfman gave him $33000001 and got the picture
Then the wolfman ate the picture and kicked toocan sam in the nuts
Then toocan sam stepped on the wolfmans foot
But it diddnt hurt since he was a toocan and only weighed about 10 pounds
So the wolfman kicked him again
Toocan sam was really hurt now so he took out a special kazoo and blew into it
This created a sound so low pitched that it could only be heard by aunt grandma
There was a rumbling coming from aunt grandmas huge footsteps
Then over the horizon there she came an old fat lady so big that she was even bigger than the earth
The wolfman screamed and started to run away
But it diddnt make any difference since aunt grandma was so big that she moved at 50000 miles per second
But the wolfman kept running
He ran until he got to the local NASA headquarters
Everyone at NASA felt so honered to have the wolfman in their presence that they decided to give him a free space shuttle
The wolfman hopped into the space shuttle and took off
Toocan sam ordered aunt grandma to catch the rocket before it flew away
To aunt grandma the rocket was like a gnat that moved as fast as a snail
So aunt grandma grabbed the rocket and gave the wolfman a spanking
The force of aunt grandmas spanking was so great that it split every atom in the wolfmans body into a zillion pieces
So now toocan sam was even and he went back to eating his fruity pebbles which by now were all soggy
Story 6^
Monkey's day at the stock market
Duh
Um
Well
Joojoopasta
Ok
Um
Hmmm
I'm going to sing a song
Um
Well not really
One day monkey went to the stock markey and he
Bought some stocks
And he um then he
Ate the stocks
And the stocks tasted really bad so barfed them up
The monkey barf combined with the stocks made a chemical reaction take place
And the stocks turned into baby hamsters
Monkey was very happy to have his very own baby hamsters
Monkey raised the hamsters and trained them to fight evil
And soon
The hamsters transformed into pterodactyls
Now monkey could fly anywhere he wanted
So he hopped onto the pterodactyls and flew to jupiter
When he was on jupiter he met some nice aliens and they ate cocktail weenies together
Now monkey had to go home because it was time for the annual bacon festival
When monkey got to the festival he ate all the bacon and everybody got mad and said
Bad monkey
Story 7&
The Very last storey
now with extra tarter sauce
Once upon a flamingo
There was a very famus movie producer named J.B. Cow
"I think I'll make a new movie about a watermelon" he said
"A watermelon who's parents were killed in a car crash"
"And the movie will be about his struggle to survive in the big dangerous city without any parents"
"And there will be a car chase scene where the watermelon has to escape from the evil police in his limousine"
"And then there will be a scene where sombody has planted a bomb in the empire state building and he has to escape from the 956th floor while being chased by rabid hyenas before the bomb goes off"
"And it will be called"
"George Washington's first movie"
After spending an entire three days making the movie J.B. Cow had Paramount pictures release it in theaters
And it became the most popular movie ever
Next week it was released on video
Then he made a sequel and he called it
George Washington's first movie 2: dinosquirrel strikes back
And then he made 7 more sequels
And then it got its own TV show called
George Washington's first movie: the animated series
And soon it had reached the top of the heap and got
Its own official pair of shoes
But....
Everybody hated the shoes and the world was thrown into armageddon
And then...
Bobo the dog got a new hat for his birthday and thanked everyone for the wonderful gift
It was a shiny blue hat with purple dots all over
Bobo took his hat everywhere he went
Eventually Bobo and his hat got married and lived happily ever aftar
